Relax, Karen. My Silence Isn’t a Bomb. 💣🙄
Apparently, existing without narrating every breath out loud is suspicious behaviour.
If you’ve ever been told to “smile more,” “speak up,” or “come out of your shell,” then congratulations you’ve officially unlocked the workplace’s most cursed achievement:
Quietness = Public Enemy Number One. 🏆
And I don’t get it.
I’m over here, minding my own business, sipping my tea ☕, radiating “please don’t talk to me” in a very polite way… and somehow Brenda from HR thinks I’m plotting a coup.
Like… calm down.
I haven’t said anything.
That’s the whole point. 🤐
The Tragedy of Miss Q (a.k.a. Every Introvert Ever) 🎭
So, my friend let’s call her Miss Q (short for Quiet, not Quinoa 🥗, though people probably assumed she was silently judging their lunch choices) got her first job teaching at a primary school.
She adored the kids. 👧👦
Chatted loads with them.
Did silly voices during storytime.
Absolute gold star teacher. 🌟
But with adults?
Different story.
She wasn’t shy.
She wasn’t sulking.
She just… didn’t feel the need to provide a live podcast 🎤 about her Tesco meal deal or holiday itinerary.
Cue chaos. 😮💨
Colleagues whispered 🤫.
A boss pulled her aside to say she should be “more approachable.” Someone else asked if she was “unhappy.”
And another genius started speaking to her like she was a confused houseplant 🌱 that needed sunlight and encouragement.
All because… she was quiet.
Not rude. Not sulky. Not muttering death threats into her iced latte.
Just… quiet. 😌
Why Silence Freaks People Out 🎭🤷♀️
Here’s my theory: some people find quiet as threatening as a group chat with no replies. 📱👀
If you’re not nodding like a bobblehead, cheerleading every sentence 🎉, or matching their “networking event” energy 💃, they spiral.
They assume you must be angry. 😡
Or hate them. 💔
Or, at the very least, secretly plotting to replace them with a chatbot. 🤖
Spoiler: we’re not.
We’re literally just thinking.
Or zoning out.
Or internally quoting TikTok audio. 🎶
The Great Double Standard 😒💬
Extroverts being loud = “charismatic.” 🗣️✨
Introverts being quiet = “problematic.” 🚫🤫
Make it make sense.
Newsflash: not speaking is not a personality flaw.
My vocal cords are on Airplane Mode ✈️🔕, not permanently broken.
“But You Talk to Kids Just Fine…” 🤨👶
Yes. Because kids don’t demand constant emotional performance. 🎭
They don’t care if you’re the loudest voice in the room. They just want you to read The Gruffalo again in the funny voice. 🐻📖
Adults, however, have built this cursed workplace culture where “friendly” means “never stop performing.” 🎪
Opt out of that circus, and suddenly you’re malfunctioning. 🛑⚡
Your Official Permission Slip to Be Quiet 📝🧠
So here’s the deal:
✔️ You don’t owe anyone a running commentary on your existence.
✔️ You’re not “broken” because silence feels like oxygen. 🌬️
✔️ You’re not suspicious because your default setting is low volume. 🔉
✔️ They’re not offended because you’re quiet.
✔️ They’re offended because they can’t read you. 🕵️
And honestly? That’s their problem, not yours.
So sip your coffee ☕.
Do your job 💻.
Nod strategically.
And let them waste their lunch break analysing your face like it’s a cryptic crossword. 🧩
After all, nothing terrifies an office gossip more than someone they can’t figure out. 👀🐍
Let them spiral. You’ve got peace to protect. 🧃📵😌
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