☕ Oops, Did I Say That Out Loud?

The Queue of Doom 😵‍💫🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️

It starts like all great existential crises... in a queue for coffee ☕💀

Not just any queue, a Monday morning, pre-caffeine, tightly packed conga line of half-conscious humans pretending they aren’t all teetering on the brink of spontaneous combustion. 🔥

Myself included.

I have earbuds in, but nothing’s playing. 🎧

It’s just the modern version of a “Do Not Disturb” sign. 🚫

My armour.

My sanctuary 🧠🛡️

The woman in front of me is ordering with the confidence of someone who’s never known social anxiety. 🙃

She’s throwing around terms like “light foam,” “oat milk,” and “extra drizzle” like she’s casting a coffee based spell.🪄🥛✨

I admire her.

From a distance.

An emotional one 🚷💔

Behind me, someone exhales directly onto the back of my neck 😩💨

And just like that, I’m one shared air molecule away from turning into a crime documentary. 🕵️‍♀️🔪

I focus on the menu, despite already knowing my order. 📋😶

Because pretending to decide is better than risking small talk with strangers who treat queues like social mixers 😬🫠

☕ Then it happens.

The barista, wide-eyed and cheerful in a way that feels aggressively optimistic, chirps...

"Good morning! What can I get started for you?" 😃⚡

And I say it.
Loudly.
Clearly.

Out of the dungeon of my mind and into the echoey chamber of this cursed coffee shop...

“I’ll have a flat white. And some personal space.” ☕↔️

A beat of silence.
The barista blinks 👁️

Someone coughs 🤧

The man behind me shuffles back half a step 👣

Victory. 🥇

And then, like clockwork, the blood rushes to my face as I realize that was not supposed to be said out loud. 🫣