All I Wanted Was Hummus 🧆😩

All I wanted was hummus. 🧆😩

It always starts with good intentions. ✨

I make a list. 📝

I check the fridge like a responsible adult. 🧊

I psych myself up with internal pep talk energy that could win Olympic gold if spiralling was a sport. 🥇🌀

Today’s the day, I whisper, holding my reusable bag like a talisman. 🛍️🔮

I’m going to the supermarket. 🏪

Like a normal person.

With confidence. 💁‍♀️ And shoes. 👟

The first 3 minutes go fine. ✅

The entrance opens automatically… a win. 🚪✨

I grab a cart that doesn’t squeak like a haunted shopping ghost… another win. 🛒👻

I make it to the produce section without having a full identity crisis. 🥦🙃

And then it begins. 🎭

The chaos of choice.

Too many brands. 🏷️

Too many people. 🧍🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️

Too many oranges that feel aggressively identical. 🍊🍊🍊

Why are there 14 types of hummus?

Why does one say “classic” and the other say “authentic”?

WHO IS LYING?? 🤨

Someone’s blocking the avocados and now I’m stuck in a cart standoff. 🥑🚫🛒

Do I say “excuse me”? 😬

Do I pretend I suddenly forgot what avocados are? 🧠❓

Do I abandon the mission and just make toast? 🍞

Eventually, I make a panicked turn and end up in the cereal aisle. 🌀🥣

Wrong aisle.

Wrong vibe.

Now I’m emotionally trapped between Frosted Flakes and a man comparing protein bar macros out loud like he’s narrating a TED Talk. 🎤📈

My heart rate is 911 bpm. 🚨❤️

A kid screams. 👶🔊

I scream internally. 😐💀

I accidentally make eye contact with a stranger and immediately look at the pasta like it’s whispering secrets. 🍝👀 (It’s not.)

I forget 2 items. ❌

Buy 5 things I didn’t need. ✅

Have a full-blown existential moment at self-checkout because it yelled at me for an “unexpected item in the bagging area.” 💳

I consider crawling into the bagging area myself. 🛒🕳️

Eventually, I escape. 🏃‍♀️💨

Emotionally bruised. 💔

Spiritually drained. 🧘‍♀️

Holding a bag of snacks and regrets. 🍪😔

I get home. 🏡

Drop everything. 🧺 And realize…

I forgot the hummus. 😭